If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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