What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
