he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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