So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
