you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There r osticjed everywhere
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
