i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
