Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
