saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
