my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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