I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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