If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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