xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
