Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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