so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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