Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
