some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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