i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
