so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
