I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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