i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
