I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
