You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Small penises have feelings too.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
