She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
