wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
