Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
