Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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