i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
