All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
