What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
