You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
