I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
