I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
