he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ttyl tear gas
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
