please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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