im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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