You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
