know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
