Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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