all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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