nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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