I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
