not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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