sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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