u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she peed on how many people?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
