i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
