My nipple is on Facebook.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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