JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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