I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize