One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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