yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
