i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
