im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
