I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
bring money and cleavage
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
