girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
