woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
