i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
