you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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