What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
