i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
