the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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