And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There r osticjed everywhere
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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