Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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