I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I did not marry a roomba.
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