oh god the rape fog is back!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were destined to go to rehab together
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
