hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
