He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have demons in me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
