Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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