i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
