Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize