i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
