Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How does one acquire holy water?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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