It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
