i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
