I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
