Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
