That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
