dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
