Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
