Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
