Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
