Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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