the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
