As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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